I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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