I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
