Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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