I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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