I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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