We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
