we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
she peed on how many people?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
