I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
