dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
