Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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