none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
