Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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