my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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