So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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