were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
