I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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