My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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