What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
