U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I need to calm my uterus...
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize