I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
