I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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