Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Im part way to drunk.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
