i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
