i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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