It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
