Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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