I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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