i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
It's never too late to be topless.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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