im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
