you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
