My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
