I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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