i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
