the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
