this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
