you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize