They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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