I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
