dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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