I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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