I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
