Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
