just survived the first fart of the relationship.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
