Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
