new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
