it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
