he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
