Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
