That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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