at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
