just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
