That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
