Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
