It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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