You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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