i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm having to shit out rocks
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
