So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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