In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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