I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
