you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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