thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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