DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
How's work?
Spinning.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
