i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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