i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
