I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
