You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Don't make out with my wife yet
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
