Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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