You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
is that a dick in a sweater?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
