What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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