That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
