This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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