At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
