Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Also, beer. Big fan.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
