went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
