I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Are my feet made of real feet?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
