My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
